Tag Archives: Hax

Naruto 522: Kabuto’s Gambit


This chapter was certainly geared towards the long-time readers of Naruto, or in the very least the readers who show a particular interest in the extended lore of the Naruto Universe. We have the return of old enemies Zabuza and Haku, as well as a few other interesting surprises.


Ahh, sweet nostalgia

We can see now that Kabuto’s reasons for attacking the otherwise uninteresting and totally untalented kunoichi Mitarashi Anko was simply so that he could extract from her more of his former masters impressive chakra in order to strengthen the Edo Tensei. Quite frankly I have to say that as far as talent and “genius” goes in this series Orochimaru continues to impress me to this very day, more so than even Itachi or Kakashi. When it has been several months after a character’s “official” death and that character’s deeds are still being revealed as extraordinary and groundbreaking, that is something special. When even death does nothing to stem the tide of a character’s influence on the happenings of the present truly, truly that character is something amazing! Oro’s body of work stands as a testament to his abilities which prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that he was and still is a consummate Shinobi genius, regardless of his ethics or beliefs. Kabuto’s totally riding his coattails though -_-#.


Damn, Akno got KabutOWNED!


I’m keeping my eye on you Hizashi Hyuga…

Now, I liked this chapter because personally it brought me full circle. What with seeing Haku and Zabuza reunited-and it feels so GOOD-so to speak, and then witnessing them perform exceptionally even in today’s world of space-time altering jutsus and DBZ-level techniques. It’s gonna be quite a shame-though, in Zabuza’s case fitting, poetic even- to see them turned into mindless tools of killing.


Bitches don’t know ’bout my special ninja skills yo, SLASH!


Haku is as gentle as I remember him. Nice.

The pic that spawned a thousand yaoi slashfics…

Time for round two Kakashi…

Isn’t this what you wanted Zabuza?

It was also a treat to see more of the ninja world opening up to reveal such interesting characters as Gari, a former team mate of Deidara’s and member of Al Quaeda the “Explosion Corps”, and the inexplicable scorch element user from Sand.


They don’t look so tough…



A team of immortal kekkei genkai users is formidable enough even with experienced ninjas like Guy and Kakashi on the team but where kabuto truly shows his-or is it oro’s-tactical genius is when he swiftly summons up some extra muscle in the form of none other than the legendary Seven Swordsmen of the Mist!


It’s the Wu-Tang clan of the Ninja world!

I was very very pleased with this turn of events because as a Naruto fanboy, my incessant desire to nitpick and obsess over small details and inconsistencies has made the dearth of information on the Seven Swordsmen a thorn in my side from the moment I first heard of them several years ago when I started following the manga. Excellent work Kishimoto-sensei! Now all you need to do is tie up the loose end of Sharingan supposedly being a genetic offshoot of the Byakugan even though it has been explicitly stated that the Sharingan seems to precede the very leaf Village itself long before  the first appearance of any Hyuga clan members. CONTINUITY RAGE!!! But I digress, awesome chapter with a nice lead in to what is shaping up to be an epic battle.

Aspire towards Nirvana, fellow manga readers! Until next time!

P.S. Jugo and Suigetsu pulled a Shawshank redemption on us and are off to get ice cream or go see a movie or some such unimportant nonsense. Whoopee -_-.


Double Feature!! Naruto – 470 & 471


Like a good episode of Darker Than Black, some things are just best taken in pairs. For an auspicious occasion such as Kisame’s first real battle since chapter 257-258 this is most certainly appropriate.

Now as far as Akatsuki members go I have to say that Kisame has always been my favourite. I mean he’s so well-rounded; he’s dependable, self-assured, confident in his abilities, absolutely ruthless, frighteningly powerful and just incredibly interesting (to say nothing of the fact that he looks like the deranged love child of The Rock and Jaws :p). It’s just terribly unfortunate that he’s pitted against my favourite character to come out of Part II, the eight tails jinchuriki Killerbee (who makes me think of Blade if he were to let all of that sword swinging and back flipping get to his head and ACTUALLY became a ninja). But enough of this preamble there’s awesome ninja action to be getting to! Let’s GOOOOOOO!!!!!…….

AAAAAND look at Sakura being pissy and indignant for a couple pages -_- (sorry guys, the action is coming don’t worry). Neways, After Naruto’s very unambiguous declaration of ‘bitch be cool’-I’m paraphrasing of course-at the end of the last chapter Sakura offers her rebuttal.

Silly girl, Ninjas have no time for such trivial matters as (fake) confessions of undying love!

Now she sounds less like a girl confessing her feelings and more like an angry mother -_-

Whisker markings never looked so SERIOUS!

Naruto’s serious demeanor adds an interesting dynamic to this little scenario. We’ve all grown so accustomed to Naruto’s three emotional speeds: Battle-induced Anger, Training-induced Determination and Ass-induced Assness. Slowly but surely though, he’d actually been growing and developing as a character right before our eyes and very much under our-or at least my-nose. His stoicism, curt replies and incredible lucidity in this situation lends itself well to a description that I can only sum up as “refreshingly un-Narutoesqe”. Beautiful.

I've got important Ninja business to take care of now missy. So just run along.

So Sakura, her initial plan having failed terribly, wipes the egg off her face and makes a loaded statement that makes me worry more for her safety than Sasuke’s…

Just replace "Sasuke" with "trouble"....

FINALLY!!! What we all came here to see XD. So, the page opens on an image of a thoroughly pwned giant animal (which, we are informed by Bee’s singing coach is actually not a bear but a tanuki). And the action gets going right off the bat.

Singer, Warrior, Zoologist. Sabuchan-sensei is a man for all seasons!

So it seems the pen/pencil truly IS mightier than the sword...

Just when you thought samehada wasn't cheap enough it reveals another useful ability: It stretches!!!

LOL @ Bee's puns ^.^

Just when you thought it was going to be a typical ninja dodge-fest Kisame surprises everyone by taking Bee’s thrown sword to his shoulder and blocking his rear attack; but for some strange reason Bee’s raiton attacks can’t seem to pierce him.

In a surprising show of manliness Kisame opts out of the use of Replacement jutsu in order to block Bee's strike. NICE!

As it turns out (as if you didn’t already know) Samehada has been absorbing Killerbee’s chakra at high speed and relatively close proximity. This is the first time in the series that Samehada’s chakra absorbing ability has been given this much attention. Quite frankly I’m impressed by this ability even more so than I was originally since I once believed that the blade had to make direct physical contact in order to absorb an opponent’s chakra.

Well, THIS is awkward....

So, abiding by the DBZ principal of building up energy stores and using it to transform, it only takes a few swigs of the hachibi’s chakra for Samehada to go Super Saiyan.

Kisame reveals his Shikai

Not wanting to be outdone, Killerbee enters his hachibi cloak and gets ready for action!

Is it just me or does Killerbee kinda look like Blade in the bottom left corner there?



ONLY SIX!? I thought Gluttony was a character from FMA....

Samehada is a fierce beast with an insatiable appetite for chakra! This battle’s getting crazy! So you know what happens next right!? SEGUE!!!!

Looks like Ao is having a little "private time" ^_~.

So the manga cuts to recent body snatch victim Ao and we get to see the difficulties his new tenant Fu is having with the removal of an important piece of furniture…

Hmm, the Uchihas could've used something like that....

So what do you do when you can’t move the couch? Why you take the whole LIVING ROOM duh! Just hope the landlord doesn’t catch you before the job’s done…

Damn, is that how they do things in ANBU: Root? o.O

Ao tells it to him straight. If you miss, you die! NINJA!!!

Alright, now that that’s over with we can get back to the good stuff. Killerbee is reluctant to go all out on Kisame for fear of endangering the lives of his singing coach and his giant pet gerbil (though in reality he just doesn’t want to compromise his vacation. tsk tsk tsk, selfish selfish Bee, too bad your brother already knows you’re gone and is going to whup your ass with his one remaining arm). Bee decides to go into Gear 2nd hachibi cloak version 2 and procedds to give Kisame some emergency chest removal surgery.

What a hero! 'I can't go all out, people might get hurt.....also, my vacation will be over :p'

"Contained the hachibi's power in human form"!? can anyone say 'Perfect Jinchuriki'? XD

First Sasuke, now Kisame. Bee won't rest until every single member of Akatsuki has had a taste of the Lariat!

What should have been a OHK is pretty much nullified by Samehada’s ultra cheap but admittedly convenient ability to restore chakra and heal wounds. Basically, Kisame’s sword has mana burn AND auto-heal. HAX!!!!

"He did it"? Please, it's never that easy in Naruto...

Uh oh, either he's about to barf or everyone's in really big trouble...

Kisame is just about ready to put an end to this duel so he lays his cards on the table and plays Umi. BOOM All aqua type ninjas receive an attack bonus, then he synchro summons “Kisamehada”; his effect: to freak you the f*%$ out! (10 points to the person who catches the references in that last sentence XD).

Wow, Kisame throws up almost as much as Kate Moss...almost.

"THAT GROTESQUE FORM HAS NO WEAKNESSES!!" Way to embelish there Kishimoto -_-. Is that supposed to make his death seem like more of a surprise when it happens?

Just what could this possibly mean for our hero Killerbee? What will “BEE” his fate? What will “BEEcome” of him? Will he “Bee” left to “BEEmoan” the terrible fate that has “BEEfallen” him!? Sorry, his manner of speech is infectious (or should I say “INSECTious”? As in insect? As in….BEES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! XD).

Aspire towards Nirvana, fellow manga readers!

P.S. I was wondering about that line Killerbee made back on page 3 of chapter 471 (“Octopuses eat sharks”). So I did a little research and look what turned up.

Prophetic maybe?

Naruto 467 – War Games


Well, it seems that Sasuke’s little suicide mission to attack the Kage Symposium has finally come to an end and now that his babysitter has come to pick him up we are treated to yet another fine exposition chapter by none other than Undercover Good Boy himself, Uchiha Madara.

So before he begins his obligatory plan revealing speech Madara proceeds to very casually SUCK SASUKE INTO HIS FREAKING EYEBALL! Realizing that it’s very dark there in the space behind his mask he goes and picks up a startled Karin as well (because the Uchiha clan has to be repopulated one way or another right?).



Karin gets sucked up too. More importantly though, is the tsuchikage FLOATING IN MIDAIR!?

Karin gets sucked up too. More importantly though, is the tsuchikage FLOATING IN MIDAIR!?

Now the question on everybody’s mind is ‘Just what is this so-called Moon’s Eye plan anyway?’. Well ladies and gentlemen-as Madara himself so eloquently addressed the Kages-it’s quite simply the answer to all the world’s problems. A powerful, uber hax of a jutsu that will allow Madara to project his eye onto the FREAKING MOON and cast an infinitely powerful genjutsu (Mugen Tsukiyomi) over everyone on the planet; it’s like if Aizen and Lelouch teamed up, got their hands on the Antilife Equation, activated their powers and broadcast it from the top of the Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann in 1080p HD with surround sound while simultaneously handing out free t-shirts.

Sorry Byakugan, but you never stood a chance...

Sorry Byakugan, but you never stood a chance...

So just how does one go about pwning an entire planet? First we must trace it back to our good old friend the Rikudo Sennin: Father of Ninjutsu (aka Chuck Norris). Back in times of yore when ninjas didn’t have fancy technology such as surveillance cameras, refrigerators, tv, electronic scoreboards and the like (seriously though has anyone else noticed that in the show? I mean wtf!?) there was a great beast that ravaged the land. Now as we all know in Naruto (and in some cases, DBZ as well) the more tails you have the more powerful you are, naturally this “great beast” turned out to be the heretofore unknown Juubi, complete with a full set of ten tails!

"A fusion of all the nine tailed beasts"? Wouldn't that be 45 tails then? "Yonjuu-gobi"?

"A fusion of all the nine tailed beasts"? Wouldn't that be 45 tails then? "Yonjuu-gobi"?

Like any good mangaka, Masashi Kishimoto borrows freely from the work of Akira Toriyama without so much a nod. It turns out that the juubi is a FUUUUUSION-HA! of all the other biju and was defeated via sealing method by Chuck Norris Rikudo himself. Then, just before he died, Rikudo separated the energy into seven mystical dragon balls nine powerful beasts and spread them across the land (the manga says he did this to SAVE the earth but to me this just seems like a way to more effectively divided the carnage across the globe @_@). Then, our super sage somehow manages to send the juubi’s body into orbit where it became the moon (so THAT’S where Sailor Moon gets her powers from!). Madara’s plan is to revive the juubi by gathering all of the tailed beasts into the Gedo Mazo Statue (which, inexplicably, is still active even after Nagato’s death) and then using it’s power to attain a super perfect Sharingan (because the Mangekyo just isn’t gay enough as it is already!!!). This plan, he believes, will bring about a new age, “A world without ill or strife.”.Absolute world peace huh? That doesn’t sound evil to me, I told you he was a good boy!


Really now Kishimoto-sensei, can you even call these people ninjas anymore?

Really now Kishimoto-sensei, can you even call these people ninjas anymore?

Unity! That's something only a Good boy would want :-).

Unity! That's something only a Good boy would want :-).

But, he’s still two biju short and they aren’t going to come easy (N.B. Gaara letting that ‘power of friendship’ shine through with his declaration of “I won’t let you take Uzumaki Naruto!” XD). Uh-oh Kages you got Madara angry, so you know what that means…WAR!!! that’s right, Uchiha Madara declares war against the ENTIRE NINJA WORLD with his fearsome army of a shark, a venus fly trap, three of Orochimaru’s rejected experiments and a confused emo kid; clearly the five nations are severely outmatched -_-.



Final thoughts: Madara obviously cares nothing for odds and will continue to sloppily toss his men at his opponents on the off chance of getting the last two pieces of his puzzle. He’s got his work cut out for him though if he wants to bag the two baddest jinchuriki on the planet! We got too many teaser fights for the past few chapters and with so many heavy hitters-and welcome returns in the case of Gaara-that were involved. I’m willing to wait it out for a few weeks if Kishimoto will use that time to craft a full length, satisfying battle.

My thoughts on the next chapter; we’ll probably have Naruto getting to the action late (like all true heroes) and finding out that he just missed Sasuke again (DARN! It’s like trying to catch an Abra in Red and Blue version!). Then a little chit chat about forming an alliance to combat Madara (at which point they might realize that Danzo’s head for the hills). I’m really interested though, in finding out exactly what Sakura has to say to Naruto when she gets there, I’m hoping for a serious, heartrending and clear let down that will  pave the way for a perfect NaruxHina scenario XD!!!! Let the talking commence!!!

Aspire towards Nirvana, fellow manga readers!